i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
