to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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