I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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