Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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