this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
