if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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