I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
