is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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