Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
