WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
