if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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