I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
