my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
