I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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