Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
