i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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