I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
