You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
