I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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