My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
