So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think my moral compass just broke
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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