Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
