i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
