We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
