I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
