He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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