I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
