Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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