i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
