i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
