it hurts more in the daytime
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i will never coherently bang her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
