you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
