i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
