please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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