I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
