Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
