at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
