Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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