took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
