she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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