Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
