Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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