so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
