we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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