I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
