You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hippo gnu deer
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
