Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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