Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
