if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
