you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
