just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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